Moving Forward Through the Storm: My Journey

It's been a long time since I've posted on here- the reason is quite embarrassing - but I believe sharing will help with my growth from here. I suffer with a condition called bipolar- High highs and low lows- last year when I started this business I was in mania. I was so excited and felt so very called to start something but once a depression hit- I didn't have it in me to continue. So, I left this to rot. But I still desperately want to help people, I want to do this... so here I am trying again

The last year has been incredibly difficult. I'm going to share a bit about my past in hopes it'll touch someone's heart and will help them- even if only one person.

My mother is mentally ill. She has been formally diagnosed with bipolar, PTSD, MDD, and Schizophrenia. But I could live with that- that was never her fault. I wanted so badly to help her, but the mental disorders weren't the problem, she chose to hurt me and my family. She made active decisions to reject help and healing- choosing drugs and alcohol over the medicine she needed to be a good mother. You can't help a person who refuses to be helped.

After fighting for her for years, losing everything in the process, I've had to let her go. I've had to step away and choose my healing over hers.  I've finally gotten the treatment I needed for my mental disorders because I'm not like her. I will take care of myself, so I never hurt the people I love. Nothing in my life has ever been harder. This year she was officially divorced from my father- I testified against her to protect my young siblings. Looking in my abuser's eyes as I tell a room of people how they tortured me- is the most painful thing I've ever done.

My mother had a very specific brand of abuse- It wasn't just physical or emotional- it was spiritual. She used the bible to justify awful things, to accuse, to call us- her children- demons, to lift herself up, to call herself "God", and if we told her we didn't believe her we'd be punished- severely. This damaged my relationship with my spirit badly; my very soul was branded with her cruelty.

Her manipulation of the bible made me obsessed with the actual text- with the true nature of the text and spirituality as a whole- Over the last 4 years I have been on a journey of spiritualism, for peace- and I discovered Tarot and witchcraft. I discovered the divinity that lies in every one of us- I discovered my own power; I discovered a happiness and clarity I never thought was possible- and I want to share it with others who may have experienced something similar- anyone who was made to feel small and powerless- who was taught they'd never be enough for whatever reason- I want them to see the light that shines deep inside them.

I'm back. I'm fighting. I will prove that you can grow- even in the storm.

Follow me and my journey and support me if you can- I'm going to prove anyone can do anything.